Hold Onto My Words
by everyday-is-masloween
Summary: I want to run, diary. But I can't run. If I run, he'll find me. James always finds me.
1. June 15 to June 17

Hold Onto My Words

Chap. 1

_June 15, 2012_

_I bought this journal so I have something to confide in. No one knows who I am. No one knows how I feel. So diary, please, hold onto my words and never let them go. Here is my very first entry ever:_

_I want to run, diary. But I can't run. If I run, he'll find me. James always finds me._

_-Carlos Garcia_

* * *

_June 16, 2012 _

_A memory. Diary, I need to share a memory with you. I think you should know more about James. You'll be hearing alot about him, so I don't want you to be confused._

_*He pushed me against the bar counter. He kept saying the same thing over and over, "Drink the damn beer. Now." He was drunk, I coudl tell. I've never seen this guy in my life. So I decided to speak up. Big mistake._

_"I-I don't know you." I said timidly. He pressed against me harder._

_"Then maybe you should get to know me a little better." he slurred, and next thing you know, his lips were pressed against mine. I didn't want this, not at all. The traces of alcohol on his tongue were bitter and entoxicating. His movements were rough and forced. But I had to admit that it felt good. So I had no choice but to kiss him back. _

_"My name's James." he whispered into my ear, pressing his body even harder against mine. _

_I whimpered. This was all so wrong. Why did I follow my friends here? I don't even know where Kendall and Logan are. 'My name's C-"_

_"Yeah, I know. Carlos Garcia. You're 16. You play hockey. Your dad's a cop and your mom died. Your best friends are Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell." He interrupted me. I blinked at him. He winked. "I do my research. Now come dance with me."*_

_I don't want to go further, diary. It's too hard. I'll start crying and ruin your beautiful pages._

_Anyways, all I can say is he did bad things to me that night. I told him to stop but he didn't. He still does it to me now._

_I have to go. James is home. I just wish I could disappear and when he opens the door, no one will be there for him to abuse._

* * *

_June 17, 2012_

_It's almost midnight. James locked me in our bedroom and went out to some club. It hurts that he doesn't bring me with him. But I'm still glad he doesn't force to go to bars and clubs anymore, because I don't like being there with James and loud music and alcohol. It makes him do bad things to me again, diary. I'm getting kind of sleepy._

_Sorry, I fell asleep in the middle of an entry. James is home. I hear him moaning and staggering through the apartment. He's calling for me. I have to go._

* * *

_June 17, 2012_

_I'm sorry there are tear stains all over this page, diary. Hopefully it dries. Here's what happened when James came home._

_*"Carlos!" he called from the living room. "I'm opening your door! What are you doing in there!" I curled up in my covers, scared because I knew James was drunk out of his mind like usual. The door swung open fiercely. _

_"What were you doing in here?" he growled, standing beside the bed, towering over me. I whimpered and he slapped me._

_"Remember? You locked me in here...and then I fell asleep because you took too long." I curled up in a self defensive ball, just in case James slapped me again. Instead, he pulled me off the bed and kicked me._

_"Unless you're sucking my dick, you better shut that smartass mouth of yours, understand?" I nodded and he slung me over his shoulder, throwing me down on our big fluffy bed. In an instant he had pulled by shirt off and yanked my boxers down and then did the same to himself. I knew what was coming. James had that same wicked grin and evil glint in his eyes everytime this happened. I'm still in pain from last time._

_James flipped me over and I squeaked, provoking James into giving me a hard spank. I bit my lip so I wouldn't scream. _

_"Shut the hell up. You are here to give me pleasure and NOTHING ELSE." He hissed, spanking me again. "You've been a naughty boy, Carlitos. And every crime has a consequence..." I buried my face into the pillow, letting out muffled cries as I felt James dive down and bite my neck harshly. He sucked intensely. Permanently marking me as his and only his. I relaxed a little as I felt him pull back, probably to admire his work, but then I knew the bad part was coming._

_James grabbed the back of my head and yanked me up hard, forcing his fingers into my mouth. "Suck." I obeyed and timidly took his fingers into my mouth, only to have James shove them further down my throat. I gagged and sucked harder. "Yeah, that's it baby...pretend it's my cock...pretend you're sucking my dick and suck like you mean it." he moaned, pushing his fingers in as deeply as he could. I gagged again, and gladly he pulled them out. _

_I panted. I'm already exhausted. And just when I thought I had gotten enough punishment, I felt a tinge of pain as James forced his fingers into my entrance. He stuck 2 fingers in, scissoring my hole open, and then way too quickly he shoved his whole fist into my ass. I screamed since his fist was so big and also because I was still sore from the other night. And then without warning, he pulled out his fist and shoved his whole dick-the full 10 inches-inside of me. I gripped the sheets below me, shoving my face into the pillow and screaming. I hated that James always did me from the behind, torturing me with the amazing pain and not letting me see what was going on._

_"JAMES!" I whined desperately, begging for attention so I could convince him to let me switch positions._

_"Shut up."*_

_That's practically the plot of my life. I beg for love and attention, but all I get is a simple, 'shut up'._

_No one loves me except you, diary._

* * *

**What the fork is wrong with me...I'm sorry for that painful angst and abuse...it was just an idea. I keep getting these multi-chap story ideas, so I write like 2 chapters, and then don't update alot unless it's really good. So don't expect everyday updates.**

**I like this diary thing. It's a cool concept. And if you couldn't tell the * means the beginning or end of a memory/flashback. Review!**

**-datsRUSHERiffic**


	2. June 18 to June 27

Hold Onto My Words

Chap. 2

_June 18, 2012_

_James confuses me diary. Yesterday, when he was drunk, he beat me up and called me names and did...bad things. But later today I ran into James at Palm Woods Park and he was so sweet and loving. Does the alcohol change him, diary? Or is he just messing with me?_

_I want to find out. One moment, he's slapping me, the next moment he's hugging me and taking me on a picnic. _

_Maybe James is just bipolar._

_I'll never find out, because he never lets me talk to him._

* * *

_June 18, 2012_

_Oh, and diary, can I call you Baqueano from now on? It means guide or guidebook in Spanish. You are my guide. So it's a good name. Better than diary._

* * *

_June 24, 2012_

_I'm sorry I haven't been writing, Baqueano. There was no time, because James was being bipolar again and after my last beating, he decided to take me on a romantic getaway to a beach house. _

_I loved it._

_He treated me like a Prince and loved me and cared for me...but he also did bad things again. But out of love. It was never out of love._

_I had the nerve to ask him why he was being so nice. He slapped me and said he was _always_ nice and that I shouldn't insult him. But I saw something in his face...he looked guilty I think. I've never seen that before. He said it was to make up for beating me and being a horrible boyfriend._

_And then now that we're back,_

_James has gone out again. He locked me up. He'll probably come home drunk. I expect another beating. Maybe I should call up Kendall and Logan to talk to me. They think James is a perfect little angel of a boyfriend, because that's what I told them. I don't want them to worry, and besides James would get really angry if I said anything bad. I'll write about what's going on as I talk._

_*I dialed Kendall's number quickly, anxious for some company. Or at least to hear someone beside Ted Garcia on the news talking. _

_"Hello?" Kendall answered. I heard a beep-probably him checking the number. "Oh, hey Carlos. You with Logan? I've been dying to see him."_

_I smiled. Kendall hasn't admitted it yet, but I'm pretty sure he's been in love with Logan ever since they met. "Nope. Haven't been with him in awhile either. Wanna have a 3 way call with him? My stupid phone doesn't do that."_

_Kendall laughed and punched in Logan's number. "Yeah, sure." he said. I heard a click, probably meaning Logan was on. I was really happy, because I hadn't talked to or seen Logan in a long time. He was one of my best friends, but I was closer to Kendall because we've known each other longer. And then there's also the whole James dilemma..._

_"Hey, guys! Long time no talk!" I heard a cheerful voice come from the other end._

_Kendall snorted. "Hey Logan. By the way, no one says 'Long time no talk'. Just putting that out there."_

_I laughed. "Kendall, if you're so in love with Logie, you probably shouldn't hurt his feelings. It's considered rude, you know." I said half joking, but actually pretty serious. Kendall wasn't really trying too hard to cover up his tracks. Logan snickered, and I'm guessing Kendall was blushing right now._

_"No it's not-it's just..that I-I mean-Carlos!" Kendall stuttered, sounding flustered. I began to laugh, but then I heard a familiar pounding on the door. I froze._

_"Carlos? What was that? Are you getting mugged? Call 911, now!" I heard Logan cry urgently as Kendall whispered something along the lines of 'Shut up he's not being mugged'. I whispered a quick "bye" into the phone and then hung up, chucked the phone onto the floor, and opened the bedroom door.*_

_James is in the bathroom puking, but he's calling for me. I have to go now. Be safe Baqueano._

* * *

_June 25, 2012_

_Realization struck me harder than James' fist hitting me this morning. My life is awful. And confusing. I'm crying so hard right now, Baqueano, I am so sorry for ruining your pages. Nothing deserves this treatment._

_I wish James knew that. For some reason he doesn't know how wrong it is to treat someone the way he treats me. He hurts me. He forces me to do stuff. Why does he do it, Baqueano? Did someone do something to him that makes him angry all the time?_

_I wish I could ask him without getting slapped._

* * *

_June 26, 2012_

_James was being nice again. I don't get him._

_*I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me from the behind. I recognized those arms as James', tensing because I thought he was going to pick me up and throw me down again. But instead he kept those warm, strong arms around me and kissed the side of my head._

_"Morning babe." he said sweetly. It's like he was a completely different person this morning._

_"Morning." I managed to choke out, throat sore from the endless crying and screaming, and also talking to Kendall and Logan so long. He kissed the side of my neck and swiveled my chair around so I was facing him. My heart melted. He looked so pure and beautiful when he was smiling lovingly at me._

_"What do you want to do today?" _

_I was taken aback, because James never asked what I wanted. He always said, "You live in my apartment, you do what I want."_

_"I don't know..."_

_Without warning James picked me up, bridal style, and spun me around. All the nervousness and confusion went away, and I giggled. He sat on the couch and laid me down so my head was on his lap. _

_"We could go on a picnic...or watch a movie...or maybe we could go to that new amusement park you've wanted to go to! Does that sound fun Carlitos? Or how about we go to..."_

_James went on rattling off different things we could do today.*_

_We ended up doing ALL OF THAT. He was so kind to me today. I kind of do love him. Sometimes._

* * *

_June 27, 2012_

_James didn't beat me this morning, but he was ignoring me. I asked him if we could go to the park again, but he just said he had some business to do._

_But I figured out this "business" wasn't really business at all when I was strolling through downtown and I saw James smoking pot with some random people. I asked him why he was there and he looked really embarassed._

_Am I that embarassing?_

_Anyways, he took me to the next alleyway and then punched me in the face. He said to never confront him ever again. Also he doesn't like it when I leave the house without him. I asked him why and he hit me again, then told me it was because I might run off and leave him, and also because he doesn't like sharing me with others._

_He sent me home with a bloody nose._

_That's why there's blood all over this page._

_A permanent reminder of James' hatred._

* * *

_June 27, 2012_

_James is making me sleep in the guest room this whole week. I don't know why._

* * *

**I really like typing this story. Diary entries are way easier than making full chapters. And poor Carlos :( Being abused my evil bipolar James. Haha bye. Review. Next chapter coming soon. Meh.**

**-datsRUSHERiffic**


	3. June 29 to July 3

Hold Onto My Words

Chap. 3

_June 29, 2012_

_Oh thanks goodness I found you Baqueano. Yesterday I lost you, and I thought James had thrown you away. You were just under the bed._

_I think James is out with his drug dealer friends again. I wish I could convince him to stop._

_But in this relationship, I can't convince him to do anything, he just tells me what to do and I do it. _

_I wish I could convince myself to stop listening to him._

* * *

_June 29, 2012_

_I'm in the guest bedroom trying to get some sleep, but I can't. James is blowing his speakers out with really loud music. I wonder why he's doing that-listening to music at full volume, in our bedroom at 1:00 in the morning. I really don't get James' logic._

* * *

_July 1, 2012_

_Sorry about not writing yesterday. I was kind of sulking, not only because I've been locked up alone in the bathroom, but also because James told me to go die in a hole. Does he really want me to die?_

_If I wasn't so afraid of death I would kill myself right now. There are many potential suicide weapons in this very bathroom._

_On the bright, non-suicidal side, I got to talk to Kendall and Logan on the phone again. It didn't end well though._

_*I felt my iPhone buzzing in my pocket, and I knew immediately that it was Kendall or Logan. It was most likely Kendall._

_"Hello?" I answered, not even bothering to check the number._

_"Hey Carlos!" to my surprise, Logan's voice came out of the speaker._

_"Oh hey Logan, I was almost positive that you were Kendall."_

_Logan laughed. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"_

_"Eh, depends. So what's up?"_

_Logan coughed. "Oh, nothing really. Just thought I'd keep you some company...not like actual company-not physically, like talking to-"_

_"Logan!" I interrupted his explanation. Logan was a rambler. "Get on with it, dude!"_

_"Oh yeah, sorry. Anyways, can you keep a secret?"_

_"Of course!"_

_Logan made a sound of relief, but immediately took it back when I added a soft, "Well, it depends what it is..."_

_"Carlos! Please?"_

_"Fine. What?"_

_Logan took a deep breath. Ooh, I hope this is a good one. "I...like Kendall."_

_"Yeah so do I! He's awesome and he's like the best hocke-wait. Do you mean, _like _like? Like as in love?"_

_"I'm not in love with him!" Logan shouted defensively. "But, I mean yeah, like like. I don't wanna marry him or anything, but I guess I've always had a crush on him. Don't tell him okay?"_

_"Okay. But I'm kind of pissed because you made me lose my $20 to Dustin." Dustin was really good friends with Kendall, and he also lived in the same apartment complex as me. Awhile back, before he just kind of stopped hanging out with us, we made a bet. I bet $20 that Kendall and Logan would get married someday, but Dustin said no way and bet $30. He was probably just saying that because he didn't want to lose his best friend to marriage._

_"What?"_

_I sighed. He's gonna think I'm crazy for betting on their future. "I bet Dustin $20 that you and Kendall would marry someday. And you just said you didn't want to marry him, so..."_

_"Oh," he said softly. "Listen do you want to have a 3-way with Kendall? I need to talk to him."_

_"Ooh, can I tell him your dark secret, Logie?" I asked, but I was only joking._

_But surprisingly, Logan said, "Well sure. I'm gonna tell him anyways."_

_"Wha-awwwww..." I cut myself off by letting out an amazingly long "awww" at the cuteness of their little relationship. "That's sweet Logie. Dial his number!"_

_I heard the dial tone and then a click._

_"Yello?"_

_"Kendall! Logan wants to tell you tha-" Logan yelled into the phone, interrupting the good news._

_"Carlos! When I said 'sure', it was only because it wouldn't really matter if you told him. But I never said I want you to tell him. After all it's my secr, er, news." Logan corrected himself._

_"Secr, er, news? Don't you mean secr-"_

_Another interruption. The bathroom door swung open, revealing a not amused James. I put the phone face down so Kendall and Logan wouldn't hear James yelling. It's probably good to stay out of the conversation while Logan admitted his feelings to Kendall._

_"Carlos! What the fuck are you doing, talking to yourself?" He yelled, standing in front of my spot on the floor._

_"No, I uh-"_

_James glanced at the counter, where my iPhone was resting. "What's this? Talking to those mothfuckers you call friends? Let me talk to them for you-"_

_And then he picked up my phone and pressed End Call. Great. Kendall and Logan-mostly Kendall, would be enfuriated with me for hanging up without explanation._

_James yanked me up with one arm. "I'm hungry babe. You know how to make tacos, right?"_

_"Yeah my mom has this really good recipe with guacamole and ch-"_

_"I don't give a damn about what's in it!" he growled into my ear. "That's for the _cook _to know, and for me to NEVER FIND OUT!" And on that lovely note, he shoved me out the bathroom and closed the door to get all prettied up for a night at the club.*_

_James told me the tacos were good-and they were-but I still don't like that he called me a "cook". And he assumed I knew how to make tacos just because I have Latino origin. It's a bit racist._

_My mom always told me to stay away from racist people._

_I wish, Mami, I wish._

* * *

_July 2, 2012_

_Baqueano, diary, please help. I'm really scared right now. James gave me $10 to get him these 2 rock CD's so he can have louder music. Well, they didn't have the CD's so I was being foolish and bought a helmet._

_For protection, you know, just in case. And I have a strange obsession with helmets._

_I'm afraid of what James is going to do. _

_I'm glad I bought I helmet. Though he can still slap, kick, punch, and shove me._

_Please, protect me._

* * *

_July 3, 2012_

_It hurts everywhere, Baqueano. And not just from the terrible beating I got from James, he also had...sex with me. I'm comfortable with calling it that now, but I'm still very uncomfortable with him doing it to me._

_What people call amazing sex, I call a terrifying sin._

_What people call romantic, I call horrific._

_What people call pleasurable, I call painful._

_What is wrong with me, Baqueano? Why do I only see the bad when normal people see good?_

_I guess I'm just not normal._

* * *

_Sorry if this is starting to bore you, the same old routine...if not, great. And yay Kogan!_

_There will be only 3 chapters left of this story :( Sorry, I have lots of other stories to finish!_

_And p.s. **kidicaruslover, **the prompt/idea you gave me will be incorporated in the last chapter if that's okay. ;) Love youz._

_-datsRUSHERiffic_


	4. July 4 to July 7

Hold Onto My Words

Chap. 4

_July 4, 2012_

_Happy Independance Day bacqueano-I mean, sorry, diary. James caught me the other day, flipping through the old pages and asked what I was doing. I said I was reading my bacqueano, an old school journal of mine and he asked to see it. Thank goodness I had planned this earlier, I had a page ready in the back with some stupid boring journal entry. James read it and gave it back to me in disgust, then told me to not call you bacqueano and stop treating it like a person. I better listen to him._

_Anyways, James was pretty nice to me for the most part today. We watched a movie and then went out for lunch, and at night we lay on a blanket together and watched the stars and waited for fireworks. After the fireworks, everything went downhill._

_Apparently James had a little daydream about me during the fireworks, and he was super horny and fucked me into the wall when we got home._

_It still hurts._

* * *

_July 5, 2012_

_James woke up early this morning, only to find me and him naked and entangled on the bedroom floor. He probably didn't remember anything about last night. He was probably drunk that day._

_No surprise._

_Anyways, he woke up and fucked me again-while I was still asleep. I woke up screaming in agony and James just bit my lip to shut me up._

_Will he ever learn, diary?_

* * *

_July 5, 2012_

_Apparently not. James fucked me around 8:00 and then left._

_He locked me in the guest bedroom again. I expect to be hearing more loud music at 1:00._

* * *

_July 7, 2012_

_Sorry about not writing yesterday diary. Yesterday was pretty crazy..._

_*I jumped back in surprise when I looked up from my drawing and saw James enter the room. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled upwards, but I scrambled out of the way and retreated in the corner._

_"Please don't fuck me, Jamie." I whimpered._

_James gave me a look that said, "the fuck are you talking about?" and walked over to me._

_"I'm not gonna fuck you, I'm just here to carry you off to a magical place." James said with a smile._

_"A m-magical place?"_

_"Yep," he said, picking me up off the ground like a baby. "We're going to Disneyland."_

_I was so excited. I squealed and kissed him and he laughed and ran off with me to the car.*_

_Well, I don't want to get into full detail, but it was the best day of my life. It was really fun and James held my hand and laughed with me and acted very silly and not at all scary. He showed no intention of fucking and/or abandoning me. Or so that's what I thought._

_*When it got pretty late and we were pretty tired of walking, James surprised me by whisking me off to Cinderella's Castle to a suite he apparently booked earlier. Once we arrived, James left me on the couch and began walking out the door._

_"Where are you going?" I asked, concerned._

_He smiled sweetly and turned to me. "I'll just be downstairs, I gotta talk to the concierge. Be right back, okay baby?"_

_I nodded and watched as James strode out of the hotel room. I chewed at my lip, I was kind of nervous...there's no way James wouldn't pass up the chance to fuck me in a castle and ruin this beautiful bedroom..._

_Moments later, James arrived, holding a plastic bag behind his back._

_"What's that...?"_

_He opened the bag and pulled out it's contents, my eyes widened in confusion._

_"I bought you a cute new outfit..." James said wickedly, holding up the sluttiest outfit I've ever seen. It was a sparkly blue Cinderella mini-gown, like the kind a bitchy anorexic 16 year old girl would wear as a nightgown. He pulled out a sparkly tiara with white fuzz lining attached to a curly blonde wig. "And don't forget the tiara."_

_My eyes got wider. "You want me to wear..._that_?" I questioned. James nodded and pushed it into my lap. _

_"Go on, change. It's just me you know." he winked, and backed up, looking me up and down head to toe. It was unnerving...first of all I didn't like stripping in front of people, and he wanted me to change into a sparkly princess outfit._

_I awkwardly pulled off my clothes, earning a whistle from James and tugged the itchy blue material on. I struggled a little, but I eventually got it on. It was snug and uncomfortable, the short frilly skirt was riding up on my ass. James smiled and reached for the tiara, which was on the couch behind me and brushed my ass with his fingertips-on purpose. I blushed and he put the crown wig on my head. He smiled and pushed me through the French doors leading to the bedroom, shoving me down-carefully-on the fluffy pink bed. James crawled on beside me, sitting up so his back was against the headboard. He pulled me into his lap and I gave in and straddled him._

_"You look gorgeous, _senorrrrita`_." James purred, rolling his R's like a pure Latino. I didn't know he could do that. I shuddered and James just squeezed my ass. I bit my lip, it was a habit I had whenever I was nervous._

_"Aww come on, don't be shy. Don't you wanna take a ride on Prince Charming?"_

_Uh-oh. I can feel my member hardening...James is so good at seducing me..._

_"Hey!" Pay attention to me!" James yelled, digging his nails into my ass. I whimpered and his stern face softened, giving me a dazzling smile. "So what do you say, you want me to shove that glass slipper up your ass?" James winked._

_"Oh god _yes,_" I found myself moaning. Wait...did I just say yes? I've never really been willing...James usually just forced me into it..._

_"Good boy, Princess. Now help me take this shit off."_

_I nodded. He already thinks I want it, so I have no choice but to obey. I tugged his shirt off for him. I gasped-I never really have much time to admire him, but damn, James looked good. I whined and got off his lap while he unbuttoned his pants. I pulled them down, exposing his hard member._

_"N-no underwear?"_

_James kicked the pants off. "Waste of time. Underwear can go fuck itself."_

_I smiled. "Your majesty, may I suck your royal dick?" I asked. What is up with me today?_

_"Be my guest. And by the way, 'majesty' is for the queen. Bitch, I'm the _king_ and I _own _the queen."_

_"I thought you were Prince Charming."_

_"I was promoted." James replied with a wink and he pulled me to his lap again, pushing my skirt up so it didn't get in the way. I moaned at the contact between our dicks, but James swallowed my moan into his own mouth with a kiss. His tongue snaked into my mouth, moving around rapidly before pulling back out with a pop. "Put your tongue to good use." he ordered, and I understood immediately. I slid down until I was face to face with James' huge cock. 10 inches. And believe me,sometimes having it inside of me isn't as fun as it sounds._

_I looked up at him for a brief moment before sliding my tongue down from the base to the head, slowly. I wasn't tyring to be a tease, I hardly knew what I was doing. When we did this James was usually horny as fuck and he wuld rush me into everything. I swirled my tongue around a little, earning some moans from James, which probably means I'm doing this right. That's all the prompting I needed. Without warning I engulfed the whole length, surprised that it didn't choke me. James gasped._

_"Shit, Cindy. You're so good."_

_I bobbed my head up and down. I was still unsure of what I was really doing, but I was gaining more confidence from James' positive reaction. He moaned. I could tell he was getting close. I moved faster, awaiting the spray of cum that was supposed to be arriving, but it never came because James pushed my head away._

_"What? Did I do something wrong?"_

_"Course not, princess. I wanna fuck you." James replied simply. I nodded and got on my hands and knees with my back to James, the usual procedure. I yelped in surprise when James' arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back to sit on his lap. _

_"No, no. You're gonna ride me princess."_

_That was a new one...I've never been able to take control in any way, but here James was, forcing me to ride him. This is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity, so of course I said yes. James pushed his fingers in front of my mouth. A wicked smile came to my face...I had an idea..._

_"Suck-ngh!" James cut himself off with a grunt when I surprised him by picking myself up and slamming down on his dick. I was still stretched from the past few days, so his cock slid right in. I smiled and leaned back until James was laying down so I could hover over him. I positioned my hands on either side of him, moaning and picking up and going down again. James moaned._

_"Shit! Faster, bitch, faster!"_

_It felt good knowing James was going crazy all because of me. I picked up the pace, practically bouncing on his dick. After a couple more hits, I felt the tip of his dick hit my prostate and I screamed and came all over the bed. I went limp on James' body, forgetting that James hadn't cum yet. He gripped my hips and began picking me up and down again. _

_"Don't stop now, you gotta finish me off." James grunted, forcing me to continue. I whined and bounced weakly, and soon James' orgasm hit and his warm cum was filling me right up. James released his grip on me and collapsed, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my temple. I smiled and drifted off to sleep.*_

_I'm ashamed to say it was the best night of my life._

* * *

_Tell me honestly, was their too much fucking in that? If there was, sorry...I didn't have any other ideas. The next chapter is the last. :\ Hope you guys enjoyed the story, and sorry for taking long to update._

_That was a long memory, wasn't it? This is only my third time writing smut...was it okay?_

_-datsRUSHERiffic_


	5. July 10 to The End

Hold Onto My Words

_July 10, 2012_

_Hello. James is making me sleep in the guest bedroom again. Did I do something wrong? Do I snore? _

_I thought everything had changed after that night in Disneyland, but I guess not._

_Well, I guess this is goodbye, Baqueano. You've been a good diary, and I will keep you forever (I'll make sure James doesn't find you again), but I am out of pages. I wish I could've added a more inspirational or exciting ending, but there is nothing inspirational or exciting in my life._

_I love you Baqueano. You hold everything about me that everyone else doesn't know. Don't tell anyone, especially James._

_Promise?_

_-Carlos Garcia_

* * *

I sat up, closed the notebook and sighed. Now what am I supposed to do with my life, now that my journal is all used up? I suppose I could buy another journal...but I can't betray my diary like that. I looked at the clock. 2:30 AM. Wow, it's really late. I wonder why I can never fall asleep early.

As I begin to tuck myself in, hoping my luck would change and I could get some sleep, I heard a door slam shut. I closed my eyes tightly and curled up under the covers. James is home.

But instead of extremely loud music playing or James opening my bedroom door to beat me up, I heard...giggling. High pitched girl giggles, coming from the room next door...me and James' room. My eyes shot open in shock, wondering what a girl was doing in our apartment. Maybe she had gone in the wrong apartment. She might be one of our neighbors.

There's only one way to find out. I pressed my ear against the wall that connected the rooms, listening intently.

There was some rustling around of unknown objects. Okay, not helpful. I pressed against the wall harder.

"Jaaames." I heard a girl's voice whine. "What are you looking for? Come here, I wanna have some _fun." _

Fun?

More rustling, and then a familiar voice piped up. "Hold on babe, I gotta fix my stereo. I have to play music so we don't wake up my roommate. Light sleeper, you know? But, he sleeps through music."

Roommate?

The girl giggled again. "Okaayyy. Just hurry up. I want you to fuck me _now." _The girl demanded. That was it. This was no neighbor. James brought a girl home. And he's going to have sex with her.

Suddenly everything made sense-the loud music, kicking me out of the bedroom. James has been bring home random bitches and trying to hide it from me.

James was cheating on me.

Without thinking I burst into tears, sobbing and running out the door, past James' open doorway, heading for the doorway. I didn't care if James saw me and didn't want me to leave. He could go ahead and fuck that girl and not give a fuck about my feelings.

I ran straight out the door and leaned over the railing, crying loudly as I heard James calling me.

"Carlos! Carlos, Carlitos what's wrong?" he yelled. I sensed James getting closer to the apartment door. And damn it there was that girl's voice again:

"James, where are you going? We haven't even gotten to the _good part _yet." she said seductively. I didn't even turn around to see what was going on. I just let the tears flow freely as I watched the stars blinking in the sky.

I heard a thud-like someone falling on the floor. "Jo, get out." I heard James say sternly. "Get out you stupid seductive whore. You ruined my fucking life. Get. Out." Oh, so now he blames it on the girl.

The girl scoffed. "Ugh! How dare you shove me? I can't believe I was about to have sex with you, asshole." I turned around as I saw a pretty blonde girl in just underwear and a bathrobe storm out of our apartment. She stopped and turned to me.

"I don't know why you stay with that stupid bitch." She spat, before turning around and stomping down the stairs.

I sniffed. I don't know why either.

Next thing you know, James was running out by my side. He grabbed my shoulders, turning me to face him. I smelled alcohol on his breath.

"Carlos, I am so sor-"

"Leave me alone!" I screamed, wiggling out of his grasp. "You've never loved me and you're _not _sorry! You're just gonna do the same thing again! I don't know why I should stay here and be your little slut and punching bag, James!" He tried to reach out for me again, but I dodged him and ran down the stairs. I ran as fast as I could, hoping this time James wouldn't find me.

* * *

I turned the corner, blindly trying to find my away through the dark streets. Was it a left on Sunset Avenue or a right? I went with my gut and ran to the right, stopping as I immediately reached a driveway leading up to a small house. 155 Sunset Avenue. Right.

I rang the doorbell, exhausted and scared. I was afraid James would come running up the driveway any second and beat me up and force me to go home. That's what happened last time. Except last time I didn't get nearly this close.

I heard laughter. It made me feel queasy, knowing my friends had such a good time everyday that they were capable of laughter. The door opened, and a smiling Kendall greeted me.

His smile faded and he looked concerned. "Carlos? Carlos, what happened?" I noticed my eyes were still leaking tears. I wiped them away and didn't answer, instead I launched myself forward into Kendall's arms, sobbing furiously. Kendall patted my hair awkwardly and called to Logan.

"Logan! You might need to help me here..." Kendall yelled to the living room, shuffling his feet so he could get inside and close the door with me in tow. Logan came out and raised his eyebrow at Kendall. Kendall shrugged, mouthing something along the lines of, "I don't know, he just showed up and started crying!"

Logan stroked my hair and reached out for me. "Aww poor Carlos. Come here buddy." I shuffled forward and collapsed in Logan's arms, crying loudly. Kendall awkwardly stood behind Logan, and when I looked up, I swear I thought I saw a bit of jealousy flash across his face. It went away when he saw me sadly staring at him, sniffling.

* * *

I smiled warmly up at Kendall and Logan from my spot on Kendall's bed. I had been such a burden, showing up at Kendall's door during a sleepover, crying and begging for hospitality. But they had been so kind and given me pajamas, hot chocolate, and even my favorite comics. I love my friends.

"Thanks guys," I said smiling. "I hope you don't mind me staying here for a few days...or weeks..."

Kendall plopped down next to me on his bed. "Mind? Of course we wouldn't mind, we love you, you're like the funniest guy ever!"

"Yeah, and I'll try to spend the night here as often as I can, or at least visit." Logan assured, resting a hand on my shoulder as he sat next to me. "But excuse me for asking, why do you need to stay here? Did something happen to your apartment? James?"

I looked down. Should I tell them the truth? "Well, I uh I...look it's nothing guys, really. James is um..staying with his mom! To visit, you know? And I don't like staying at the apartment by myself."I lied, stuttering awkwardly.

Kendall and Logan gave each other an amused look.

"Awww...is little Carlitos scared? Awww, yes he is! Yes he is!" Kendall mocked me in a baby voice, poking my nose repeatedly.

"I'm not scared!"

"Yeah. Right."

I picked up a pillow, threatening to hit Logan-when the doorbell rang. Followed by loud banging. Oh shit, it must be James. I pounced on Logan, scared out of my mind, and clung to his side. Kendall looked jealous again, but got up to answer the door instead of saying anything. My eyes widened. No! I did the first thing that came to my mind and dived off the bed to cling onto Kendall's legs, whimpering.

"Carlos!" Kendall yelled, trying to shake me off of his leg, but had no luck. I was _not _going to let him answer that door. Too late, Kendall had stepped out of my grasp and over me, walking out of his bedroom. I stay curled up on the floor whimpering. James was going to come in and beat me up right in front of my friends, and then lock me up like Rapunzel. Logan just stared at me like I was crazy.

I stared at the empty doorway, listening as I heard the door swing open furiously and Kendall let out a surprised, "What the-"

There was loud stomping. I stared at the door...wait for it...

And right on cue, James showed up in the doorway, arms crossed and cheeks flushed with anger. He grabbed me by the upper arm and yanked me up so I was face to face with him.

"How _dare _you run away like that!" James growled, grabbing me by the collar and pulling me closer. "You listen, Carlos. Don't you ever try to escape from me again. You are _mine _and no one else's." I nodded and gulped, mentally bracing myself for the beating that was about to come. And instead of a slap or a punch, I saw Logan stand up.

"Hey!" he yelled. No, no, no. Sit down Logan. Please. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

James dropped me on the ground and I curled into a ball, watching as he walked up to face Logan. Logan was much smaller than James.

"I _think _I'm Carlos' boyfriend. And what exactly are _you _short stuff?" James reached out to shove Logan, but right on time a disheveled and confused Kendall ran in. His mom stood in the doorway, before turning away, deciding Kendall was probably solving it on his own. He pulled Logan away protectively and got between him and James.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's going on? Who _are _you?" Kendall asked, crossing his arms showing he wasn't there to fight.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm Carlos' boyfriend, and I'm here to take him back! Carlitos, come here." he ordered calmly, snapping his fingers at me. I whimpered and timidly stood up, standing beside him. James put his arm around me protectively. "You're coming home. Now." he barked. Without warning, James scooped me up and began to carry me out the door and I began to cry. James looked about ready to kill me, but he wouldn't do that in public.

I looked over James' shoulder helplessly staring at Kendall and Logan for support. Logan was fuming and his face was bright red, whereas Kendall was looking calm and confused.

"Kendall...Logan..." I whimpered, but James clearly disapproved of that and whispered, "shut up." into my ear. I obeyed and cried all the way home.

* * *

When we arrived at the apartment, James threw me down on the bed and stared at me.

"Why'd you run from me Carlos? You know better than to try to run."

Instead of my usual whimper, I surprised myself and stood up, grabbed James by the shoulders, and throwing him down on the bed, switching our positions. He yelped in surprise.

"Why? WHY? James you clearly know why I ran away! You cheated on me James! With bitchy little _girls_! And everything about you...and this relationship...it's just wrong. You abuse me and hurt me and use me. But you love me anyways. I don't get it James, I just want to run away from this confusing life and live with people who actually care for me. Is that too much to ask? It would've been more convenient for you to let me escape from your life so you could hook up with more random girls without getting caught." I remarked, getting suddenly angry and then cooling off a little as I spoke. It felt good to finally speak my mind.

"Carlos, I-"

"Yeah, yeah I know you're going to say you're sorry. Well sorry won't cut it, James! I'm going to _punish _you for fucking up my life and being a horrible person. And then I'm going to make you give me a _real _apology. Oh, and then I'm going to make sure you don't go out to clubs at night and maybe get you an anger management counselor. I'm going to turn you into a fucking _proper _boyfriend."

James looked guilty and also kind of upset from hearing my punishment. He gave me a pitiful smile.

"But this means you're gonna stay with me, right?"

I thought for a moment. "I'll answer that after I teach you to be a better person. Then I'll see."

"So, what are you gonna d-" James cut himself off with another yelp. I jumped onto the bed and pulled James onto my lap.

"Like I said," I smirked. "_I'm gonna punish you_."

Not giving him anytime to react, I grabbed the back of James' head and pulled him in for a rough kiss. He whimpered, which surprised me. Man, to think I had _James Diamond _whimpering! I pulled back with a pop and pushed James off the bed, not too hard, but rough enough so he knew that I was in charge.

"Take your clothes off." I demanded, looking down at James who sat helpless on the floor. Surprisingly, he nodded and got up without a word and began tugging his shirt off. I raised my eyebrows and sat back on the bed, relaxing and enjoying the show. I smiled when he pulled the shirt off, revealing his toned torso and then bent over with his back to me so he could pull down his pants. I bit my lip so I didn't moan, what with the view and all. In a swift motion James had his pants and boxers off. My eyes were widening, almost hungrily, when James faced me. He stood in front of me, fully naked and cock erect, awaiting his instructions. I leaned against the headboard with my hands behind my head.

"Get on the bed."

He obeyed and timidly sat on the bed.

Whoa..._timidly_? Who was this guy and what did he do to James?

I growled, kinda scaring myself, and yanked James over to me by his arm. He couldn't help but cooperate when I pushed him down so he was draped across my lap. James looked at me pitifully, biting his lip. I could tell he knew what was coming.

Feeling extra mean at the moment, I pushed his head down so he wasn't staring at me, smashing his face onto the bed. Oops.

"_This is for abusing me." _I growled into his ear. I brought my hand up and slammed back down against his ass, earning a soft yelp from James.

That only prompted me to be more rough. "_This is for leaving me alone for those sluts." _I smacked him, even harder than the last time. A muffled moan came from James' mouth, which was still smushed against the bed.

"_This is for being so fucking confusing._" Smack. I spanked him again. This time he kept the noises to himself.

"And this is for making me love you." I said softly before pulling him up and placing a sweet kiss to his lips. I pulled back and marveled at James' beautiful, flushed face. "So have you learned your lesson?" I whispered, my voice faltering after all the yelling.

"Yes," James gasped out. "Carlos, I _promise _I will try harder to treat you better. I am _so _sorry."

"Good." I said simply and tilted his chin up for one more kiss. After what seemed like ages, we pulled apart.

"So what now?" James asked.

"Easy," I replied. "We have makeup sex." He grinned and crawled on top of me, placing another light kiss to my lips.

"Let me guess, you get to top?"

"You betcha."

* * *

Omg! It's over :(

Anyways, hope you guys liked it. Sorry for the sucky ending, and I think Carlos forgave James to fast. But...I don't have time to rewrite stuff, so here you go. Thanks for reading guys!

-datsRUSHERiffic


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